Saturday, April 20, 2013

Tell the hardest truth first.

I miss me.

I know that sounds just incredibly weird, but I think it's how I'm feeling.

I've opened up a page like this many, many times and nothing ever comes out. My words don't go together like they should. And nothing I write sounds...well, right.

So here's the current me. She's a lot more whiny, and doesn't feel nearly as positive. She rides waves of happiness that don't last nearly as long as they used to or give her quite the same thrill. She's still just as emotional as ever, but now finds herself struggling to bounce back as quickly. She's somewhat come to terms with the people who are in and out of her life and thinks she knows where her heart is at in some instances. But she's lonely.

I guess my one blessing in this is that I found myself writing, "current me." Not "new me." So I know that in some way, somehow, I will come back. So maybe there's more of me still shining through than it feels like sometimes.

Small mercies.